Today I cried. I cried because Jeco and I fought again. About something we always used to have a row about. He used my toiletries when I more than a thousand times more than clearly stated, reminded and told him that I don't want anyone using my toiletries. Facial wash I would forgo, toothpaste fine, shampoo okay but MAN! MAN! My soap?? Okay I know that soap have this substance that makes them clean no matter what and how they look like. It was something Arlyn told me years before. (She was a Medtech student and I was Freshman in nursing and now she's working as a MedTech and now I'm dying to finally get my Diploma from MAssCOm.) 15 more minutes into my shouting and telling Jeco stuff that I know would him. He finally threw things. And I really couldn't be bothered except for when he threw his lotion it hit me and I got hurt and threw it back and he almost punched me and then I cried when he left for school. See, this is a very typical scenario of me and my brother and a bigger part of me believes that this is okay because we are growing up and soon very very soon I hope I won't have to put up with all his imbecile, inutile, nincompoop way of life (okay I know this isn't a very sisterly way of describing him but I loovvveeee him to bones even when more than these will happen). Anyway, when I was already crying I realized I wasn't crying because I got a bruise on my knee anymore. I cried when suddenly it hit me in the middle of my suppressed sobs and overwhelming hurt I was crying because I have to pretend that you and I never happened. Because everyday is a struggle that I have to overcome that those months, those messages, those verbal volleyball, all those didn't matter. When the truth is, for so long it mattered to me when it never mattered to you. For so long I hoped that you'll realize it was something. For so long I waited for you to finally come to terms that we could be. And after all those waiting, whining and forgetting I've moved on. And realized that we could never be but this is only me. I need you to tell me that we never happened, that we never could be, that what we are now, where we are now is where we were headed ever since that first night you said you'd never forget this.