sudden rush of P.I. ness!

Here I go again. I don't wanna write about you Myke. I didn't want to write about you anymore for the longest time that I have been blogging. But yesterday when out of the blue Hazey ( myfriend, I think you met her when you were still here. yes, that pretty and nice girl :D) told me that she checked out my blog and really liked the entry that was meant for you but I knew you will never get to read, I.. I dunno. I went out of my senses again. AGAIN by you, by anything that resonates about you and me. And it makes me sick Myke, It makes me feel like I never really got to where I was suppose to be when you left, when you CHOSE to leave because you think it's for the best. Because you BELIEVED it was what WE needed but you never really asked me what I needed. It makes me sick, makes me wanna puke at myself. I checked the entry and oh MAN! OH MAN it absofuckinglutely dragged me to those days again. Those days when I didn't know where to start, how and why should I start fixing myself and get a move on, not necessarily get over you because then, many years ago it seemed impossible, it was like building castles in the sky. The thought of getting over you was like removing a part of me, in a literal sense it's like getting me amputated. I didn't want to get over you Myke, I never wanted to. And , and I don't wanna finish this entry anymore. Coz every word only takes me two steps back to where we were before, to the memories and I HATE IT! I HATE IT coz it's unfair and I don't wanna be the one to take all the bitchiness of the world anymore. Between the two of us I felt like I was the one the world have been throwing its punches to when it realized how much MESS we made out of breaking each other, not jut each other's hearts. Because honestly Myke, it wasn't just my heart that you broke. It was the Kaye that I've made myself to be, to last with Myke for as long as we live. And I wanna end this entry by telling you that.