I’m determined not to sleep sad, frustrated, pissed, over analyzing why you did just what you did. I can’t seem to to find my keys so I for the nth time I’m settling with this. Writing. Stabbing my keyboard with my big hands which will never get a hold of you. I’m okay Ralph, really, I was. For the longest time I could not be bothered by you anymore. For months now, I have conveniently lived my life in a monotonous, routinary boring way but unappalled by you. Sure you we were not completely out of the picture but you weren’t the picture anymore. No one is, and I like that, I was contented with that. I have fully accepted that you are someone I will keep in memory, some of the people I will fight the hardest just in case in the future I suffer from memory loss. I’m determined like that but it will stay there, just liek that. You will stay like that, a memory. Yes there FB chat, rare SMS exchange, unrequied GMs from both sides but that was it. The power of those mediums between you and me has ended in the same way analog phones, telegrams, B&W- Dial TV has exited the lives of mankind and crept themselves in Museums where people who would want to live the past would visit. You were like that to me Ralph, Everytime I thought about you after the gradual, painful, unsaid untying of whatever it was between us, was a deliberate effort. And that was good because I only remember the good times and didn’t hurt. I have succesfully brought back my senses, my heart finally caught up with my brain, that is. But one phone call from a number that I don’t recognize crumbled my wall I carefully built with all the pieces I’ve picked up when you left and never came back. And I wonder, why would do that? Why would you take pleasure in hearing me like that? I hope you are happy with what you did. I hope you were happy looking at your phone with my name calling and pick it up, I hope you find extreme joy in answering but pretending to ask who I’m looking for. I wish that you experianced Cloud 9 by telling that you are in the same city as I am but you didn’t come to see me. Thank you for that. Now, you can leave and don’t come back. Not even with a phone call. Bullshit.
